i don’t. i just want him to care back. i just want it to be easy. i don’t want to cry about this every freaking day. we have made such giant steps. over huge hurdles. back to where i think we were in the beginning. but i am too afraid to ask. and i like to believe he is too afraid to say anything. when we were making out and his mother called, and he had to answer, but he didn’t have to rub my back while they talked. when he casually out of no where mentioned he had a date in the morning, only for me to ask him about it and it ending up being with one of his guy best friends, he had to have been gauging how i would respond. there are so many more reasons for me to believe he is into me again. for real this time. but i am too afraid that he will get bored of me again. BUT then i (again hate to admit) that i noticed he was on plentyoffish today. if he wanted me he would say something. if he wanted me he would not be looking for someone else. i guess the way he looks at me is all a lie. i am going to give him one more chance to tell me how he feels. i will text him this weekend and we will hang out and i will do my best to ask if this is just sex. i can turn that question around so it looks like i don’t care what his answer is. so if he truly does not care he will not see me hurt.
Which means I’m ready to push myself until I have nothing left. It’s time to become the person I’ve always wanted to become— strong on the inside and on the outside. Someone who gives it their all.
I’m tired of my own excuses and being disappointed in my choices. I want to be proud of my dedication, hard work, and determination again.
There are two people you’ll meet in your life. One will run a finger down the index of who you are and jump straight to the parts of you that peak their interest. The other will take his or her time reading through every one of your chapters and maybe fold corners of you that inspired them most. You will meet these two people; it is a given. It is the third that you’ll never see coming. That one person who not only finishes your sentences, but keeps the book.